On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
