I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
