Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
