part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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