please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
