You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
