Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
