actually, I'm a sock model
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's get the cat blown out
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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