Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
