i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
