Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
