i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
