I didn't shave. On purpose
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
