Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
