Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
