Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
