We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
