you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
