Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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