I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
