Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
