i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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