Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
