i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
