he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
