you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
