it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
