So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
