I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
