but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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