I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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