I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize