I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
