Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
