it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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