How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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