My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize