Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
