toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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