yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
