He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
