Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
