i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
