i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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