Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
