Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
