Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i may or may not be watching the land before time
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
