Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
