You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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