I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
