After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
