FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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