I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
