thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
