thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
