____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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