All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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