If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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