she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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