she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
