I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
