would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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