Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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