I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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