and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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