with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
