just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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