i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
