I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
