the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
