its not stalking. its research.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
