the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
