i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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