the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
