Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
