You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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