she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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