3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
