she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You left your phone here
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