At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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