yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
