i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
