I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
