dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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