Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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